it's probably the worst time to have a birthday ever, but life goes on. and no matter what, every single word said/sent is greatly appreciated. honest.
okay i meant to summarize my 2010 in case the goldfish memory wipes everything clean soon, but i figured that as long as i kept my organizer i should be able to recall stuff in bits & pieces...?
so 2011! weeeell. it's been a really busy start, but at the same time life's been...interesting too. :) don't want to set resolutions, because i've never kept them anyway, so i'll just aim to be happy & have everyone around me lead happy lives too! sounds good? yes.
that's it! and thank you everyone for having given me so much patience over the last year. :) will try to be a nicer & better person this year too!
i cant remember the last morning i woke up by myself, and not to some alarm or voice. i cant remember the last time i ate dinner at home. i cant remember the feeling of slacking guilt-lessly.
i only know that i've been so busy. so busy trying to figure out what it is that i really want. so busy trying to maintain the so-called "work-life balance". so busy trying not to disappoint. so busy trying to fill up all the time with "meaningful" activities. so busy trying to find meaning in everything. so busy trying, that i don't even remember what i'm supposed to be trying for.
i am so freaking tired. tired of not giving my all to the job. tired of caring about how people feel. tired of having to care about how people feel. tired of not being understood. tired of the emptiness. tired of complaining. tired of this dissatisfaction. tired of feeling like im just wasting every single second of my life away. tired of not being able to be responsible for my life.
i have to find more graphics references before the meeting at 11am. but heck. i am just going to sleep. and may everything work out somehow after the eyes reopen in a few. yay, escapism.
